Hey guys just wanted to share a little about myself. After a little contemplation and praying; I’ve figured out a lot of why I had heartaches from love in the past. Turns out I was giving my heart to the wrong person. Here is a little poem of kind of how I turned my life around after going down the wrong path with guys who weren’t good for me.
Consumed by the vast desires of within
Clinging constantly to the love of a man
Heart extended, ten fold to them
But only to receive less within.
I thought that if I gave my all,
They they would truly see the treasure I saw
Turns out they were all the same
Using me for pleasure, causing me the pain
I didn’t understand, what was I doing wrong
I know how to love, wholeheartedly even
But The change came at the end of the season
Fall was the time where I broke down and cried
Dear Lord, why can they never stay in my life.
I gave them my heart only to receive this strife.
He replied to me and said
Yes my dear, you did indeed
But it turns out you weren’t following me,
Chasing the ones, who led you astray
No, you thought you could go your way
But I’m here to show you, to extend my
Hand, you deserve much more
So choose my door
To open you won’t be disappointed
For when you love Me completely,
Will you get who I’ve appointed
Tears poured from my eyes,
Feelin so convicted
I bowed my head and confessed my sins
And told Him that I’d walk with Him.
No longer am I bound by the heartache and pain
God showed me His Love
And that…will never go away….
While I did grow up in a Christian household and I was saved when I was 5 years old ( I remember till this day), I kinda fell from the straight path. When I was younger, I was sexually abused by my father and other men, so I have known sex from a very young age. While trying to bury the past for so long, I couldn’t keep it in forever and I told someone for the first time my freshman year in college. I felt like that was truly the beginning of my release from the pain and heartache I felt. But my actions were still proving to show the scars. I dated a couple guys in college and “made love” to them giving them a piece of me that can’t be taken back. I guess I so desperately wanted to be loved, that I would give the guys whatever they wanted. And when every relationship I cared about, ended, I was so heartbroken that it made me want to search even more for “The One” who would see my beauty. After too much pain and self-degredation; everything I had tried wasn’t working, so what was I doing wrong? That’s when I heard God say, that I was missing Him. That night when I heard those words, I felt so convicted for living such a sinful life. That’s when I turned back to God, finally giving Him all of me. The verse that spoke to me so loudly was 1 Corinthians 6:19- 20: “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
The life I was living was nowhere pleasing to God; I was wasting my body allowing it to be abused. But I found The One who could love me wholeheartedly and unconditionally, when all others failed. And ever since that day, when I re-dedicated my life to Christ, I’ve been on a better path and never have felt more loved. I am now trusting God with the man of my dreams.
I thank God everyday for showing me His love and mercy. I just want to spread His love each and everyday to the rest of humanity. Glory to Him!